Home

I've been home for a couple of days now and so far its been great! I love London but home will always be home! One of my closest friends was married on Saturday and it was wonderful and very weird at the same time! It seems that every time I think of home or am home, I realise how much uncertainty there is in my life. Now I know none of us have it all figured out and I'm not implying that I'm floating around without ANY direction but its hard sometimes when you know what you want but there's no real guarantee that you'll get it...Watching friends get married and have babies quite frankly scares the crap out of me because that stuff is far into the future for me, if at all!! It seems that even though I've always wanted to break the mould and do my own thing (perhaps sometimes just to be different), settling down at home and finding a job would be comfortable and give me some sense of 'normaility'; if that indeed exists..Aggghhh I hate when I get like this! I want to be a musician, I want a career in the music industry and I've wanted to live in London since I was 11!! I think the issue lies with the fact that i'm not earning any money, I'm not really supporting myself and I HATE that. I mean for someone who craves independence, I'm not quite living up to it..

I'm heading up to Portstewart with a couple of friends so hopefully a bit of North Coast air will help me. I AM looking forward to getting back to London and I've got some exciting things coming up so I will try my best to stay positive.

Please don't think of me as ungrateful..I know I'm in the middle of an amazing opportunity but it's hard sometimes to get the proper perspective.