Lay it down

I can't even bare to look at how long it is since I blogged last...too long! I don't think it was a lack of time but a lack of knowing how on earth I was going to put into words the craziness of my life over the past month! Well I'm back at home for another week and then it starts all over again!

I'm genuinely full of expectation for this new year and have been thoroughly blessed to be back home with family and friends. It has however made me more aware of how different my life is in London from my friends at home...its not better, not worse, just different and I'm feeling more and more aware of that whilst I've been home. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that so many of my friends are getting engaged, are married and even having babies!!...(generally in that order..) and then there's me, in London, trying to build a career in the music industry with no real certainty that I'll ever get where I want to be. People keep telling me that I should be excited, living in London, doing what I love, but the truth is, I'm struggling with the uncertainty of it all. Maybe I have no patience or maybe I'm simply not trusting God...and it pains me to say that it is most likely the latter.

Last night I went to Resonate in the Upper Room and it was great to see everyone after so long and it felt like I'd never left...but I think God had more to say than 'welcome back' so to speak. It was the first time in a very long time that I had been in a room with that many Christians!! A girl that I went to school with sang a song called 'Lay it down' and I was just broken completely and really felt like God was speaking to me and trust me, its been a long time since I've let God get that close; I guess when God has something to say...

I've been lookin' till my eyes are tired of lookin'

Listenin' till my ears are numb from listenin'
Prayin' till my knees are sore from kneelin' on the bedroom floor
I know that you know that my heart is achin'
I'm running out of tears and my will is breakin'
I don't think that I can carry the burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans,
Are slowly slippin' through my folded hands

So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do?
Cause everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go,
I'm gonna lay it down.

I've been walkin' through this world like I'm barely livin'
Buried in the doubt of this hole I've been diggin'
But You're pullin' me out
I'm finally breathin' in the open air
This room may be dark but I'm finally seein'
There's a new ray of hope, and now I'm believin'
That the past is past, and the future's beginning to look brighter now
Oh, cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

So I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna learn to trust You now
Oh what else can I do,
Cause everthing I am depends on You
And if the sun don't come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I'm gonna let it be, I'm gonna let it go,
I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna lay it down
I'm gonna lay it down.