A very brief update!

It feels like a long time since I blogged so I thought a quick update was needed. Well, I have a job! Its not the sort of job I thought I'd get when I moved to London but I'm facing the fact that I can't sit around and expect everything to fall into my lap! So I'll be working in the Redback where we do all of our gigs, which is kinda cool as well. I am taking steps to getting a musical job too; a group of us have formed a Function band which is a good source of income if you can get the gigs! Saying all this, I'm struggling to find the time at the moment...we're getting so much thrown at us and its good to be busy but it is really hard and probably the reason I've felt so homesick lately! Seriously, I want to go home!! 

I have so much more going on that I could write about but truth is I'm so tired I can't even bring myself to concentrate on it! Besides, I have to learn Monkey Wrench by Foo Fighters for tonight! Hopefully next week I can write some more.

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I'm back in London, back in college and still listening to what seems like the same drum riff I heard the day I left!!! Its funny how you get immune to it all. Everytime you walk into the building there are firstly, a group of guitarists standing right at the door, puffing away, so you not only have them but a cloud of smoke to fight your way through. Then you enter the foyer and there are always about 10 drummers, ipods in and a drum pad in front of them, drumming away in their own drummer world! I often wonder what people would say if all the singers sat around and greeted everyone with vocal scales and warm up exercises! I'll let you know if we ever do it!lol! Saying all this of course, its good to be back! Being at home and coming back has brought so many questions to my mind...for example, why is The Saturdays new single so amazing?? Admitting it is the first stage! A more pressing question at the moment is...just what sort of music do I want to go into?? You'd think I would have figured that out by now but I haven't. I grew up listening to Whitney and Mariah, along with pretty much every other pop act that was out in the 90's. I love to write my own songs and accompany myself, and then there's jazz...I love jazz! However, it could quite possibly be the most competitive genre in the music industry! To add to my dilemma, I can't shake off the fact that secretly I'd love to be in Girls Aloud!! (even though I know they get session singers in to do some of their studio sessions...but you didn't hear that from me!). Oh and when we're on the topic of music business secrets, did you know that Leona Lewis actually went to the Brit School!, where Adele, Amy Winehouse and Kate (*shudders*) Nash went! No one ever tells the public that though because, hey, its more profitable to tell us she worked in a call centre and we're such kind people to give this girl a decent future! I do like Leona Lewis but find it hilarious how X Factor plays on these 'sob' stories to get our votes! O my....I really got sidetracked there!

Anyway...back to my dilema! The reason this is at the front of my mind at the moment is that we were recently made aware of an opportunity to be auditioned by some record company who is looking for new talent to sign up. I'm managing to stay completely realistic about it and understand that this is not the be all and end all of opportunities but it got me thinking...how on earth would I market myself if I got the chance to audition?? Yeah I could do a couple of my own pieces and pass myself as a Norah Jones wannabe, but I really don't think I am..I know I'm making light of it, but it really is something that concerns me and it doesn't matter how many people say 'it will all fall into place', I still don't want to mess up any opportunities I do get!

If you're reading this you're probably thinking that my thoughts are erratic and you're right! Tomorrow I'll probably (hopefully) have all of this in perspective, but for now, I don't!

One thing I do have in perspective is that my first priority is my showcase on Monday and to put everything into that! I'm so nervous but very excited!! I'll keep you all posted!

Home

I've been home for a couple of days now and so far its been great! I love London but home will always be home! One of my closest friends was married on Saturday and it was wonderful and very weird at the same time! It seems that every time I think of home or am home, I realise how much uncertainty there is in my life. Now I know none of us have it all figured out and I'm not implying that I'm floating around without ANY direction but its hard sometimes when you know what you want but there's no real guarantee that you'll get it...Watching friends get married and have babies quite frankly scares the crap out of me because that stuff is far into the future for me, if at all!! It seems that even though I've always wanted to break the mould and do my own thing (perhaps sometimes just to be different), settling down at home and finding a job would be comfortable and give me some sense of 'normaility'; if that indeed exists..Aggghhh I hate when I get like this! I want to be a musician, I want a career in the music industry and I've wanted to live in London since I was 11!! I think the issue lies with the fact that i'm not earning any money, I'm not really supporting myself and I HATE that. I mean for someone who craves independence, I'm not quite living up to it..

I'm heading up to Portstewart with a couple of friends so hopefully a bit of North Coast air will help me. I AM looking forward to getting back to London and I've got some exciting things coming up so I will try my best to stay positive.

Please don't think of me as ungrateful..I know I'm in the middle of an amazing opportunity but it's hard sometimes to get the proper perspective.